I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
What a dumb baby whore.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
