what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
