dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
