i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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