Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
