I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
