OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
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I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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