watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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