How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
