I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
