did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
