He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I wish you could order shots online.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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