between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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