Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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