I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Randomize
