i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i came on her dog
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
