Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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