when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
