Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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