Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
