Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
