There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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