Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
