when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
