Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
50% drunk capacity currently
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Randomize
