the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
