She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
