So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
