he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I am full of burrito and curiosity
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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