Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Randomize
