Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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