Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
BRING THE BAGELS
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
