Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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