I wanna bring you to show and tell
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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