Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
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I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
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I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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