to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
