Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
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the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
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