New low: just hacked my moms facebook
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Randomize
