I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
