I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
