Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
