Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
