so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
smell my finger.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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