Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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