We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
