NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
