I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
