I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
