she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
