I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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