i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
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They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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