I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
