dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
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