I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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